Trail Limbo - Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail

PART THREE – THE JITTERS

4 mins

As of writing this article, I think I am going mad. I have little over one week before I start the PCT. In one week I’ll be on the trail. I’ll be living it. All my thoughts will be realised.

"the first thing I think of when I wake is that I am one day closer to the trail"

I can kiss goodbye to comfy beds and proper food. I’ll be sweaty, smelly and hungry. I’ll be totally focused on the next section of trail. I'll be making sure I don’t burn in the sun, or get eaten alive by the bugs. I’ll be able to see where I am headed and my progress thus far. My telephone won’t get coverage, so I’ll be off grid. I expect it to rain and the wind to howl. At some point it might snow.

I won’t know what is happening with Brexit or Trump or Syria. I won’t be searching for PCT gear anymore. I’ll be using the kit. I won’t have to worry about family and friends or socials. I won’t be working or commuting. I won’t be driving my car or riding my bike. I won’t be having movie nights or drinking G&Ts when I get home from work. I won’t be walking the dog or reading bedtime stories to my daughter.

So all this will be happening…in a week.

But now, I am paranoid that I’ll trip and break a leg or get sick so won’t be able to go, or crash the car or something happens that means I can’t go. I can feel the gastroenteritis breeding my in gut or something else that is rotten and bad. I am waiting for the disappointment.

I am in limbo.

I have lost interest in everything. I look at people walking around and think they are crazy for not wanting to escape to the trail. I am desperate to live a simpler life, to completely live within my body. I want to feel that I am doing something worthwhile. 

I am in a sort of daze at work. I quit in three days. I am lacking in any sort of motivation. I am clock watching all day. In the mornings the first thing I think of when I wake, is that I am one day closer to the trail. I think about it all day.

I am in countdown mode. Only three more commutes. Only five more sleeps.

Put me out of my misery.

I get asked this question all the time…” are you ready?”.  Seriously…?  I have been contemplating this trip for years and properly planning it for two. Am I ready?

Hell no.

I have no idea if I can do it. I have no idea if I have the character or tenacity to complete a thru hike. I am not that social, I hate facebook. I don’t like burgers or chocolate bars that much. I think most of the music in the last 10 years is pants. I am a no hoper.

But in just over a week, I’ll be at the southern PCT terminus in California

…and it will start.

Wish me luck x


Last updated on: 10 Apr 2018 04:34 PM

PCT